Man hands! She had man hands!

You know you've worked at a celebrity weekly for a while when you have a dream that you go to New Zealand with the Jolie-Pitts because you're the kids' nanny and the eight of you (Angelina, Brad, you, Maddox, Zahara, Pax, Shiloh, giant bodyguard) pile into a Ford Focus to drive to a massive chain restaurant in a mostly empty mall on the outskirts of some industrial complex and the giant bodyguard somehow falls asleep with the car door open and Pax, who is sitting on his lap, kind of hangs out the door to taste the winds of freedom and once the car is parked you have to chase Shiloh around the parking lot and she runs FAST and once you catch up with her and hold her hand you realize she has giant giant GIANT hands. Not wide, like a catcher's mitt, but big, like the catcher's hands themselves. Yooge.

Also? Once you get to the restaurant, you watch Brad Pitt eat his dinner on his white paper placemat (the kind with the scalloped edges), and you can't help thinking, Chicken nuggets. He's gone from eating in the finest restaurants to scarfing down chicken nuggets with ketchup. Things change. You don't think this in a bad or sad way, you're just observing.

Also? You make the whole family late while you're looking for the right pair of shoes to wear to dinner. Angelina gets a bit testy and says you have to be more organized because you're making the children wait while you look for your shoes. You glance around your hotel room and it's a disaster. Since when have you had such a comprehensive wardrobe?

Also? When you all fall out of the Ford Focus in the mall parking lot, there are three people walking to their cars, and when they realize they're walking past Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie and the kids, they stand there with their camera phones at the ready and you lean over to Angelina and say, "It's just amazing to see the looks on their faces the moment they realize it's you." She kind of chuckles knowingly, but it's a tired half-laugh.

What does this all mean? Have I revealed too much about myself? And more important, what shoes should I have worn?