Unexpected Conversation #986
Hm.
Well? Hm.
Okay:
Last night (this morning) at 3 a.m., after putting the magazine to bed and awfully ready to put my wobbly old self to bed, I headed out of the office. On my way through the lobby, I passed a maintenance man whom I'd never seen before.
"Good night," I said.
"Hey, baby," he said.
I walked a few more paces, and then I heard:
"WAIT A MINUTE. What are you doing?"
I turned to him. "I'm going home. Long day."
He looked mystified. "Now, look. You can't even be 30 yet, right?"
Oh, bless him. "I'm going to be 34 next week. But thank you!"
He nodded to me in appreciation. (A note: This has been happening to me a lot lately, and I can't tell you how grateful I am. All the old friends with whom I've recently reunited on Facebook who've said I haven't changed since high school, strangers on the train, my coworkers who've asked me if I was 25, the manicurist who scowled at me two weeks ago while asking me to take off my wedding ring because she thought I was 19 and too young to be hitched ... I salute you. I'm feeling this next birthday in my achy, achy bones, and your love has lifted me higher. Of course, my theory for all this is that it's not that I look so young naturally, but that I still dress like a college student.)
Anyway.
"Come here," he said, gesturing me toward him. I stood next to him. "Listen: the next time you're here because they," he gestured to the ceiling, i.e. upstairs to my office, "keep you here and you're working late at night and exhausting your natural self, here's what you gotta do. The next time you have a day off or you take a vacation, and you better take a vacation, you walk around naked. I don't care how you do it. Whether you get out of the shower or what, sit your natural self down and watch TV, eat a meal [pantomimes eating soup, mayhaps], whatever, you do it. Just do it naked."
I played along. "What makes you think I don't do that already?" I said.
He chuckled. And then: "And while you're doing that, take your natural self over to your couch and sit down and fart, and if it smells, look up at God and say thank you."
Hm. Not sure how to respond to that one.
"How did I do?" he asked. He meant as a comedian. And I, his gassy audience.
"Excellent, sir," I said. He shook my hand and introduced himself. I introduced myself and went home. When I climbed into bed almost 45 minutes later, a half-asleep Josh asked what time it was.
"3:38," I said.
"Okay."
"A guy with a dustpan on a stick just told me to thank God if my fart is smelly."
Whoosh, his eyes opened fast. "WHAT???"
"Such a weird day. 'Night."
On a totally different note, who's with me: Sex and the City, most unnecessary film ever? Discuss.
Well? Hm.
Okay:
Last night (this morning) at 3 a.m., after putting the magazine to bed and awfully ready to put my wobbly old self to bed, I headed out of the office. On my way through the lobby, I passed a maintenance man whom I'd never seen before.
"Good night," I said.
"Hey, baby," he said.
I walked a few more paces, and then I heard:
"WAIT A MINUTE. What are you doing?"
I turned to him. "I'm going home. Long day."
He looked mystified. "Now, look. You can't even be 30 yet, right?"
Oh, bless him. "I'm going to be 34 next week. But thank you!"
He nodded to me in appreciation. (A note: This has been happening to me a lot lately, and I can't tell you how grateful I am. All the old friends with whom I've recently reunited on Facebook who've said I haven't changed since high school, strangers on the train, my coworkers who've asked me if I was 25, the manicurist who scowled at me two weeks ago while asking me to take off my wedding ring because she thought I was 19 and too young to be hitched ... I salute you. I'm feeling this next birthday in my achy, achy bones, and your love has lifted me higher. Of course, my theory for all this is that it's not that I look so young naturally, but that I still dress like a college student.)
Anyway.
"Come here," he said, gesturing me toward him. I stood next to him. "Listen: the next time you're here because they," he gestured to the ceiling, i.e. upstairs to my office, "keep you here and you're working late at night and exhausting your natural self, here's what you gotta do. The next time you have a day off or you take a vacation, and you better take a vacation, you walk around naked. I don't care how you do it. Whether you get out of the shower or what, sit your natural self down and watch TV, eat a meal [pantomimes eating soup, mayhaps], whatever, you do it. Just do it naked."
I played along. "What makes you think I don't do that already?" I said.
He chuckled. And then: "And while you're doing that, take your natural self over to your couch and sit down and fart, and if it smells, look up at God and say thank you."
Hm. Not sure how to respond to that one.
"How did I do?" he asked. He meant as a comedian. And I, his gassy audience.
"Excellent, sir," I said. He shook my hand and introduced himself. I introduced myself and went home. When I climbed into bed almost 45 minutes later, a half-asleep Josh asked what time it was.
"3:38," I said.
"Okay."
"A guy with a dustpan on a stick just told me to thank God if my fart is smelly."
Whoosh, his eyes opened fast. "WHAT???"
"Such a weird day. 'Night."
On a totally different note, who's with me: Sex and the City, most unnecessary film ever? Discuss.
Labels: pop culture, randomness, the hubs, work
posted by Marla at 11:13 PM
2 Comments:
I liked Sex and the City! OK, not NECESSARY, really, but is anything about that series really necessary?
I want to know which movie had the crap-on-a-cracker flying saucers...
With love,
Riggle
(who also thinks you haven't changed since college, except your curly hair is tamed a little)
I just wanted to say that was a very funny story! One for the cocktail parties (just make sure no one is popping an hors d'oeuvre while you're telling it ;-)).
Well, I DID enjoy SATC, but I would have whittled it down to a 30-minute episode (or better yet, a 5-minute YouTube clip) in which Carrie and John get married at City Hall (no wedding circus nonsense). That's all that really mattered to me -- you can't live in an apartment like that without some sort of insurance!
Feel free to pop over to my blog when you have a chance...finally recapped the wedding!
Post a Comment
<< Home