Processing cheese
These are some conversations I've had lately:
ME: [to self] Oh, Simon Monjack. Where were you when I was single?
JESSICA: I feel like Simon Monjack is the guy who keeps a sandwich by the bed just in case he's hungry. Like, he just rolls over and eats.
ME: Ooh, you know what kind of sandwich it is?
JESSICA: What kind?
ME: Bologna! With cheese slices.
JESSICA: EW! Cheese slices!
ME: Yes. Kraft Singles. Bologna and Kraft Singles.
JESSICA: Sometimes our conversations disgust me.
JOSH: [looking through one of my high school yearbooks] Holy crap! What is going on with that girl's hair?
ME: Those were some impressive 1991 mall bangs.
JOSH: Her hair is so big.
ME: You wanna see big hair? I'll give you big hair. [flips to page with giant photo of self reading the high school newspaper] There. That's some big hair.
JOSH: [quiet, pondering] Hey, you were really pretty back then.
ME: "But you're really fug now!"
JOSH: You know what? [leaves room]
The big, big, beeeeeeeg news is that Josh got a full-time job. Really. He's been temping since he graduated in June and has been working at the same place for four months now, hoping they'd take him on salary. And huzzah, they did! AND he's working for the city, so yay benefits! And pension! We may be in financial distress for the forseeable future, but damn if we won't have a sweet retirement. I told him that if he ever moves away from working for the city before he gets his pension, I will have a pack of wolves hunt him down. So we went out to celebrate (have you ever had chocolate chip bread pudding with hot fudge and vanilla ice cream? well then, you've never tasted heaven) and had this conversation:
JOSH: The first thing I thought of when they told me I got the job was, We can have a baby now.
ME: Well, not now now.
JOSH: But you know what I mean.
ME: What if the baby chokes?
JOSH: What?
ME: What if the baby chokes? What if the baby crawls over to the cat food and eats it and chokes? Or a quarter? What if the baby chokes on a quarter? Your change is always falling out of your pockets.
JOSH: Um —
ME: We need to take CPR classes. And I think I should learn how to make clothes.
JOSH: You're crazy.
I've neglected to mention how sublimely happy I am for him. And for me. And how proud I am, because he's worked his shiny little tail off to get to this moment. When he got that job, everything changed. We slept until 6 p.m. the next day because we could finally relax. Nothing is hypothetical anymore. It's such a big deal that I couldn't hold my body upright for an hour after he told me. So instead I bought a really cute green dress that Josh has no idea is a gift from him to thank me for supporting us while he went back to school and changed careers. Thanks, Josh! Cute dress!
ME: [to self] Oh, Simon Monjack. Where were you when I was single?
JESSICA: I feel like Simon Monjack is the guy who keeps a sandwich by the bed just in case he's hungry. Like, he just rolls over and eats.
ME: Ooh, you know what kind of sandwich it is?
JESSICA: What kind?
ME: Bologna! With cheese slices.
JESSICA: EW! Cheese slices!
ME: Yes. Kraft Singles. Bologna and Kraft Singles.
JESSICA: Sometimes our conversations disgust me.
JOSH: [looking through one of my high school yearbooks] Holy crap! What is going on with that girl's hair?
ME: Those were some impressive 1991 mall bangs.
JOSH: Her hair is so big.
ME: You wanna see big hair? I'll give you big hair. [flips to page with giant photo of self reading the high school newspaper] There. That's some big hair.
JOSH: [quiet, pondering] Hey, you were really pretty back then.
ME: "But you're really fug now!"
JOSH: You know what? [leaves room]
The big, big, beeeeeeeg news is that Josh got a full-time job. Really. He's been temping since he graduated in June and has been working at the same place for four months now, hoping they'd take him on salary. And huzzah, they did! AND he's working for the city, so yay benefits! And pension! We may be in financial distress for the forseeable future, but damn if we won't have a sweet retirement. I told him that if he ever moves away from working for the city before he gets his pension, I will have a pack of wolves hunt him down. So we went out to celebrate (have you ever had chocolate chip bread pudding with hot fudge and vanilla ice cream? well then, you've never tasted heaven) and had this conversation:
JOSH: The first thing I thought of when they told me I got the job was, We can have a baby now.
ME: Well, not now now.
JOSH: But you know what I mean.
ME: What if the baby chokes?
JOSH: What?
ME: What if the baby chokes? What if the baby crawls over to the cat food and eats it and chokes? Or a quarter? What if the baby chokes on a quarter? Your change is always falling out of your pockets.
JOSH: Um —
ME: We need to take CPR classes. And I think I should learn how to make clothes.
JOSH: You're crazy.
I've neglected to mention how sublimely happy I am for him. And for me. And how proud I am, because he's worked his shiny little tail off to get to this moment. When he got that job, everything changed. We slept until 6 p.m. the next day because we could finally relax. Nothing is hypothetical anymore. It's such a big deal that I couldn't hold my body upright for an hour after he told me. So instead I bought a really cute green dress that Josh has no idea is a gift from him to thank me for supporting us while he went back to school and changed careers. Thanks, Josh! Cute dress!
Labels: childhood, food, friends, pop culture, randomness, the hubs, work
posted by Marla at 4:38 PM
3 Comments:
Congrats Josh!!!! Happy Baby-Making!!!
Whoaaaholdyerhorsesthere, my friend. No baby-making yet. There are thoughts of a timeline. That's as far as it's gotten. A timeline of thoughts of a timeline. YOUR baby, however, is excellent.
He is excellent... and your potential future baby will be MORE excellent! Have fun practicing.
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