Oozing with advice

Ever since the Roosevelt Island tram stalled a couple months ago for eight-or-whatever hours, dangling over the East River, I’ve become hyper-aware of making sure I pee before I leave the office every night. All I could think about was how badly all those poor people had to pee. I think this makes me lavratorily-sensitve, don't you agree? And also paranoid of getting stuck hovering over a cold body of water.

Speaking of water, my in-laws gave us a great tip for finding relief during the current bout of sweltering weather: Place a large bowl filled with cold water in front of a fan — not on the floor, but fan-level, and the fan should be either a standing one or placed relatively high, like on a table or something. The air coming toward you is cooler than it would normally be. This has left us almost chilly at night, though it has rendered our dehumidifier basically useless. And the dehumidifier is singlehandedly responsible for keeping me from getting phlegmy-sick three times a year. So for now, I shall be goosebump- and mucus-rich.

I realize that this entire post is about my own personal secretions. I shall stop writing ...

... now.